Investment of Time

"It's like a relationship. If you don't put the time into it, then you seem to lose interest in it."

How true is that?

It's been a good...eh...I'd say 5 weeks since the whole deal wondering when my best friend would "talk" to me. And that was something I really had to trust God with. But finally, this weekend--we talked for the first time. It was beautiful. To actually be friends. To actually talk like friends. I've been waiting a LONG time! It seems like the last 5 weeks, I don't even know who he is anymore because we haven't talked!

I wonder if God sees me like that some days. I'll bet He's WAITING and waiting and WAITING for weeks thinking to himself Hmm...when is Kristine going to talk to me? The choice is mine. He's already extended the invitation.

The choice is yours. If you don't put time into a relationship, then you are going to lose interest in it.

My relationship with God is WAY too important for me to back down on this. I don't ever want to lose interest in something as amazing as this.

So think of that next time it seems you haven't "talked" to someone in a while. If you're not careful, that relationship might fade away...

God's Control

"If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was and always will be yours. If it never returns, it never was yours."

Maybe this is more of a secular statement, but I find it applying to so much in my life. There is always something we are holding onto. (Whether we admit it or not is a different story...) but there is always a time when we need to just let it go, and allow ourselves to be free of it. Maybe you have heard the verse in Matthew 11 which states

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

But you know, maybe this quote isn't just about the troubles in our lives. It's about the things we love. Sometimes it's easy to say to God, Hey! I give it up, I don't want this anymore. The hard part comes when it's something we LOVE that we don't want to give up.

I have experienced this so many times. There is a lot in my life that I want to hold onto...that I don't want to give up. But I find that when I offer my entire life to God, he blesses it. He chooses what to give, and He chooses what to take away. I need to set it free. He needs to control it. And if what I love comes back to me, it is mine. If it never does...well, I guess it's all in God's hands.

Letting Go

“It’s hard to wait around for something you know might never happen, but it’s even harder to give up when you know it’s everything you want.”

This is my most recent "quote on FB finding". :) A good friend of mine posted that as her status. Now, I don't know what she is going through, but I found that this one specifically has been applied to my life the last week or two.

So much has changed since my last blog. I have seen God's sovereignty place me back at Highland church with MANY new friends that go with me...Faith, Josh, Lacey, Kourtney, Tim, and sometimes Adam-Bob. I have never had so many Christian friends here at the dorms. His simple quiet "Trust me" is beginning to feel more secure in my life.

But, the last month or two has still been tough. It hasn't been since the last 2 or 3 days that I've taken the time to just chill and reflect on His mighty power. Lately I've been too caught up in school, interpreting, and issues. This morning though, as I sit here in bed avoiding a shower, I am beginning to see how far I still am from understanding His beautiful grace. I love that our God is still One in which we need to learn more about everyday.

Anywhos, back to my original quote. It’s hard to wait around for something you know might never happen, but it’s even harder to give up when you know it’s everything you want.

The last week or two has been such a mess. I have succumbed to different temptations, and some mornings I wake up wondering if my best friend will talk to me today. I'll admit, I've been "waiting around" for a lot of things to happen, and I abhor "giving up". But sometimes it's something we MUST do. We must give up some things, especially when it's everything we want. On Friday I took some time to just cry in my bed praying to God and talking with Him. I have been holding on to a lot of different issues, and telling God - I don't want to give it up. It hurts. I know I MUST give it up, but Lord, I want it. Finally I handed it over and said, You know what God? You ARE sovereign. You do know what is going on. I WILL give this into your hands.

Because often I have found that when I "give something up to God", He blesses me with something so much greater. Once again, it's just those soft small whispers that He sends my way:

Trust me. Trust me.
When I act, who can reverse it?

I've been waiting around for a lot of things to happen. But that's what is so beautiful about our God. He knows what's next, we don't. It sucks some days. I have no clue what I'm going to do next with my future. But, I do know one thing. He is in control. And I will wait. Even if it means giving up something that is everything I want...

Gentle Whispers

One of my favorite "quotes" on Facebook right now is actually one of my own. My little white box on the side says- "God quietly whispers to my heart with a smirk on his face-- "When I act, who can reverse it?" -Isaiah 43:13"
How AWESOME is that?

"When I act, who can reverse it?"

Our God is a great, big God. I've been hearing that all summer! And here I am, back at the dorms--blogging in my free time (like I used to!) And I sit alone, without a supper, without a family, without a significant other, without camp, without whatever it is I'm looking for. But one true thing remains -- God is THERE. I believe the Hebrew name for God in this instance is Eternal Jehovah Shammah--The LORD is there. No matter what.

But that's not the point of this blog. The point is, God has an ultimate plan for everything in our lives. Not just some of it. ALL.
Moving back to the Dorms was a HUGE step for me. A lot has happened in the last 8 months of my life, leading me to realize that I am not in control--and giving up this control to a sovereign God is not as easy as it sounds. When apartment plans fell through, I knew it had to be a God-thing. My good friend kept asking, "Did you pray about it?" No.
He was always right. I NEEDED to pray about it.

As time passed, I realized that living in the Dorms would more than likely be best for me. I'm still working on my leadership and social skills, and the Dorm would be a great place to work on that. (In fact, I am now an Unofficial CC...feels GREAT!) :)
Even the whole thing with being single. I'll admit, it was not exactly what I wanted, but something I knew God wanted for my life for now. I needed to be single, set my focus on Him alone, and allow God to weave His perfect plan. Still hard to fathom why, but I am realizing each day that there was a purpose to that. People leave our lives for a reason, and new people enter in with a renewed purpose.
Going to camp this summer was not a part of my plans either. I was advised by my family not to go to camp, but then was granted permission to apply at last notice. It was such a joy! I lived every minute to the fullest--never knowing if this would be the last time I work at camp. I feel like I have truly grown these last 3 months. Coming into this school year, I feel more prepared, and not afraid to move forward. I have a sense that I can be somewhat of a leader this Dorm-year, rather than just an introverted "follower". I can't wait.

Early this morning I was crying, because I don't know if I will be returning to be with the church I love. The Church--the people. They are such a great fellowshiping group, but I know deep in my heart that I probably should not return. The last 2 times I have gone have been offending sermons. I looked up at God, wondering why I would have to leave. It is so hard to find a church. I love Highland because of the preaching and music. I love Christ Community because of the fellowship and people. What do I choose? What do I do? It will be so lonely at Highland, but the preaching will be solid. I gazed my eyes toward heaven and whispered quietly-- "Why? What now?"

And God sent a soft whisper in return--

"Trust Me. Trust Me.
When I act, who can reverse it?"

His perfect plan. He knows what's next. When He acts, NO ONE can reverse it!

Just a Quick Note

God is great. I just wanted to throw that out there.

I also wanted to say that I am in the process of writing two more "devotionals" to put on this blog, but I am really limited on time. So just keep looking. ;)

The first is called "Love at First Sight" and I hope to have it up within the next week....

Later.

A Matter of the Heart

Pride.

Gosh how I have struggled with this.

My pride gets the best of me a lot of times, and I'm gonna take a wild guess that it probably pecks away at you too. Just last Sunday I dealt with 3 different pride issues at one time. Went to church, was upset at an opinionated friend, didn't want to stand next to someone who I've never liked, and had to watch my good friend travel off with a new friend--who seemingly has taken "my place."

Going home after moving away to college has been tough. When I return home, I see new people taking MY place in other people's lives. And it hurts. But then I got to thinking about a poem I wrote in 7th grade. Can't remember the exact words but it went something like this:

So many wonderful people have come into my life,
We have fun and laugh together...
but whenever someone amazing enters my life
It seems it is time for them to leave,
--A time for me to cry--

But through each pain there is always a hope
Because I know that after that person has left,
A new and remarkable person will fill that spot
--A time for me to smile--

If you've left my life
leaving me joy and happiness
Always know that you are unforgettable
--A time for me to remember--

I used to rejoice in the fact that new people would enter my life, after others had to change or move on. But now I see that I am not allowing myself to let others have new people...

Take for example a good friend of mine, whom we will call Bob. (Cuz I don't know any Bobs. Actually I do, and he doesn't like me, but that's besides the point.) Bob and I were really close friends. We still are, we love encouraging each other...but now I'm here in Wausau, he's there far away, and he's met 2 or 3 new friends that consume his time now. When I speak with him, I feel as if he no longer wants to talk to me. One of his new friends in particular, I am quite jealous with...and my pride has gotten the best of me! But today I realized--I'm gone now. God has sent a new and wonderful friend into his life so that someone new will be there to encourage him! God has blessed me in the past with these friends, and now I need to allow Him to bless Bob. I need to remove my pride, and give Bob time to spend with this new friend, even if my feelings are hurt through it. He will always be my friend, I can guarantee that.

Another example is a ministry placement I had back home. Now that I am gone, a new girl has replaced my spot. Going home was difficult for me, because my pride did not want her to join me in this ministry. I felt like there was "not enough room for the 2 of us". And of course, I have seniority, so she should be bumped out. But God placed her in that ministry with a PURPOSE! I'm gone now, it's her turn now to glorify Him! I need to be praising God that someone has fulfilled that position, instead of pouting that I'm not that one doing it.

Here's the funny part about it all. God thinks he is very humorous...
So while I'm struggling with pride and hatred, God decides to be funny:
The "good friend" in the first situation ended up approaching me and talking to me for 15 minutes (something that REALLY made me upset....I didn't want to talk with her!!!
THEN-- God decided that I would have to stand within 2 feet of the latter person for a good hour. And I had to give her a hug due to a prior commitment. I felt like staring at God, rolling my eyes, and saying, "What are you doing?!?!?!?!"

Guess what?
He's teaching me.

I still have a lot to learn. I have learned that most of my problems in life stem from my pride. I have learned that I need to be willing to ask for help (even if I think I'm intelligent in Math...) And I've learned that I don't know it all. :) As simple as that sounds...

Prov 13:10 Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.

Prov 11:2 When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.

I guess that's it...Sorry this wasn't as directive or informative...I think I just needed time to journal. And I've been slacking on blogs lately. :)

Time is Not a Disappointing Factor

I remember back to those warm Staff Hunt nights at camp, where Caroline and I would sit endless hours, waiting for the campers to find us.

We loved those moments...an hour or two to sit and talk about our week and catch up with each other. One particular night, we were discussing guys and relationships. Or maybe that was every night. ;)

“I don’t know if the timing is right. And I just feel like the only factor holding this relationship back is time.”

“But. If you really think about it, Time is not a disappointing factor.”

When it comes to entering a relationship, there are many different factors that come into play when deciding whether he/she is the “one.”

Time happens to be one of those factors we can’t choose. It’s something that God throws at us. He and He alone can decide when the time is right. Of course, we can try and force things to happen before their destined time, but as I have heard from a very wise man at camp – “The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing.”

“Time is not a disappointing factor.” This quote goes quite in parallel with the previous saying. Sometimes time seems like a forever and a day. How much longer will I be single? Why do I have to wait? When will I know what my future holds? When can I make a move? The appointed time never seems to come. And yet, it is when an amount of time is cherished and appreciated, that the best things in life come. Time will never disappoint us. Yeah, sometimes it seems a heck of a lot longer than we want it to be, but in the end it does NOT disappoint us.

This is harder to understand than said! When I begin to wonder about waiting and waiting and waiting and WAITING for things to happen in my life...I look to a verse in 1 Corinthians 7:17. Paul is speaking about the topic of Marriage, and lays down some standards to live by. Not necessarily rules (he says that we should pray about what is best for our lives) but just standards.

1 Cor 7:17

Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him.

I love this! We are commanded to retain the place of life (here and now!) that God has assigned us to. He knows our lives, He knows our plans—now we just need to trust that where we are at now, is where He WANTS us.

Time is not a disappointing factor.

I’ll admit. I’m SICK of being single. I loved being single before...it was beautiful and I lived my life to the fullest. But then I realized how beautiful it was to NOT be single. How beautiful a love relationship is. And I’m just yearning to be there again.

But I don’t think this is the right time. Or maybe not the right person yet. Or maybe the right person is a part of my life, but we both still need time to learn.

I’m willing to accept that. As hard as it is most days!!!

Well, I guess that’s it for now. I wanted to do at least one blog on a topic like this. Cuz I’m usually thinking about this everyday.

And him. Whoever he is. Whether I know him, whether I don’t....

So I'll be holding my own breath, right up 'til the end
Until that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
'Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

Meant To Live

"It's hard to live, when you know you were never meant to exist."

I often like to quote people. I get my best ideas from quoting people. So if you're ever quoted on my blog--(I'll keep you anonymous) You should feel pretty honored. Cuz that means you just gave me a really good idea for something.

Anywho's back to the point.

I read this quote off a profile on Facebook. That little white box yunno? The one that says "Write something about yourself". And everyone changes it, but nobody really knows what purpose it serves?

"It's hard to live, when you know you were never meant to exist."

Wow.

Someone who says something like this isn't just saying it. They've thought it through.

I can guarantee that almost half of America thinks this way. I know that if I didn't have a hope of a future because of my awesome God, I would probably feel the same way.
Cuz right now I'm beginning to wonder what I'm here for. Obviously I know my life is for bringing glory to God, but some days I wonder the EXACT REASON why I exist...

I don't know how to approach this person. I mean, most of us know the biblical answer of how God knew us before we were born and He knit us together in our mother's womb (Psalm 139:13)--but sometimes a biblical answer does not suffice for a deep thought like that. [By NO means am I saying that God's Word is NOT powerful to overcome such a thought ( I know it can!) But sometimes it takes some prying when Satan has hardened a heart.]

I think for now I'm going to post some Psalms. I think I need to think on this thought more.

Ps 139:1-18
1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in-- behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.

Wow. All I can even say here, is that a God who thinks that many thoughts about me, (ME!) must really have a reason for my existence. God. He thinks about me. A sinner. I'm not even presentable before a king of this world. But God thinks such intimate thoughts about my life. :)

Ps 138:8
8 The LORD will fulfill [his purpose] for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever-- do not abandon the works of your hands.
(NIV)

Dare To Be a Daniel

Today was a church day, and I got to go to Highland again (it's been over a month since I've last been there!) It was great to be in a place of worship again, with over 400 people praising God with their smiles, handshakes, voices, instruments, and God-given talents. The Worship Pastor had picked out an excellent arrangement of songs...and I know that 4 of the 7 I will be using together as a worship service this summer:

We Want to See Jesus Lifted High
Arise
Everlasting God
Your Love, O Lord

The four of these songs just felt like we were lifting God up...literally raising our praises to him! He lifts us up, and we get the opportunity to lift Him up. Not that He NEEDS to be lifted up by us, (He's greater than any of our human hands) but God is pleased with our worship. (If of course, it is worship of our hearts!)

The sermon was very intriguing this morning, and encouraged me to do a quick blog/summary of what Pastor Jeff said this morning. We've been working on the book of Daniel for about 3 months now. (maybe more...) And today we reached Daniel 10.

Let me quick summarize Chapter 10, and maybe through a few verses in. Daniel is in his late 80's now. His country has been taken captive by Babylonians, and now the Persians-Medes, and his people (the Israelites of Jerusalem) have been away from their traditional Jewish customs/laws for about 70 years!
But here is Daniel. After 70 years, he hasn't given in to the gods of their captivity. He hasn't turned away from God, and he has not chosen to follow the gods of the Persians...He is an upright man. After SEVENTY years of being away from God's chosen city and laws, He is still willing to follow them. This is pretty awesome. I know that if I was away from Christians for even ONE year, I would fall into the hands of sin--most likely conforming to the world.

But anywho's. Daniel decides to have a little quiet time with God for 3 weeks. He wants to pray for his people, because their 70 years of captivity is almost up, and he wants to make sure his people return to the land God gave them, and that they will desire to follow God with all of their hearts when they are released.
--So here's Daniel, praying for His people! Amazing!

For 3 weeks, he cries out to God, hoping for a revelation or dream, like in his many other cases. (If you read the earlier part of Daniel, you find that God is always giving him the answers to people's situations, etc.) But for 3 weeks, he hears nothing! But then an angel comes to him in a vision:

He said, "Daniel, you who are highly esteemed, consider carefully the words I am about to speak to you, and stand up, for I have now been sent to you." And when he said this to me, I stood up trembling.
Then he continued, "Do not be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them.
But the prince of the Persian kingdom resisted me twenty-one days. Then Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, because I was detained there with the king of Persia.
Now I have come to explain to you what will happen to your people in the future, for the vision concerns a time yet to come." (Daniel 10:11-14)

Wow. Did you see that? Daniel is praying for an answer, his voice has been heard--but Satan has detained this response to prayer for 21 days! And Michael (whom we commonly see as an archangel) had to come along and help out!

Do you know, or realize that Satan is trying to destroy God's Kingdom? God's plan? He fights. It's almost scary to think about. People literally PRAY to Satan, asking him to destroy the most powerful spiritual leaders in this country! In this world! People who are like Daniel--the ones who deliver God's messages, the ones who preach God's word, the ones who hold true and are leaders---these are the people Satan wants to bring down!

We need to be praying for our leaders more than we realize. We need to be praying for our church. We need to be praying for the people around us.

And more than anything: We should NEVER underestimate the power of the enemy. Because when we do that, we will fall. We need to stand up and fight. But why? and How?

Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. (Eph 6:11-12)

Right there. We need to take stand against the devil's schemes. And how? Put on the full armor of God. If you follow the rest of Ephesians, we can see what an armor of God looks like.

Remember how the Armor of God has the "Sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God"? Swords are pretty important in battle. Of course the ENTIRE armor of God is essential to fight, but the sword is the piece that brings down the enemy. Listen to this:

I Jn 2:14
....because you are strong, and the word of God lives in you, and you have overcome the evil one.

How can we overcome the evil one? The word of God lives in us. The Sword of the spirit.

Pray. Do not underestimate the power of the enemy. Never give up. "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith..." (1 Pet 5:8-9)

Stand firm, don't lose hope. Wait on the Lord...sometimes the answer is detained because of Satan. Keep praying for those in leadership, who may be brought down under the devil's schemes. Dare to be like Daniel.

Scripture and sermon ideas taken from Pastor Jeff Hinds, Highland Community Church. You can find the sermon on their website www.highlandcommunitychurch.com.

Ever So Faithful

"If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it."

I was encouraged by this quote today. So many things seem to be going on in my life, and lately I have been struggling with faith. Faith to know and believe that "God [Himself!] is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." 1 Corinthians 10:13.

Days go by and I find myself wondering about my day-to-day life. It is hard to understand that what I'm going through right now is a part of God's plan for my life. BUT it is!!! If He brings me into a situation, then He will be faithful to bring me through it. But where does my faith play a part in this?

He is Faithful. I am reminded of a story where Jesus is walking on water, and he walks out to His disciples. And they were kinda freaked out about it!

---But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."
---"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."

So....here's Peter. He's got enough faith to believe that Jesus is directing this whole "walking on water" thing. And He has faith to believe that He Himself can do what His Master is doing--What the Master is directing. What the Master has planned!

---"Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"
--- Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"
(Matt 14:27-31)

Who does Peter lose faith in?

Not Jesus. Jesus is doing fine.

He loses faith in himself---He becomes afraid--thinking that He can't do what God has asked Him to do. He forgets that when it comes to believing in Christ, Peter can walk on water. He can do what Jesus is doing. He can do what God is directing.

We need to have faith that when God says-- "Come." or "Go." or "Stay." We will have confidence and faith that God is directing our ways. God is never going be less faithful, He will always be there--and He does not disappoint us. But when we begin to lose faith in ourselves, thinking: "I can't do that!", not only do we lose faith in ourselves, but we are just saying that God is not sovereign in His character. We aren't trusting His character, design, and plan!

We need to recognize....I need to recognize--That when God brings me to it, He will most definitely bring me through it! Faith

Something More....

"Did you find anything of interest?"
---'Nope'
"Well, Makes sense, I'm only interesting superficially...."
---'Not even that.'

Too often we become superficial. Superficial in the way we present ourselves, superficial with relationships, superficial with looks, and even possibly superficial with our relationship with God.

I've been seeing this, and pondering it.

Am I superficial?

I know there are areas in my life that need to be continually built up. And that's the purpose of my blog. Or at least one purpose. I want to begin to see God's goodness everyday!!! I remember journaling at camp, and I always had something amazing to say about something I learned from God. and lately, I haven't been thinking or talking about his mighty power! So here it is. The blog that is More Than Superficial.