Pride.
Gosh how I have struggled with this.
My pride gets the best of me a lot of times, and I'm gonna take a wild guess that it probably pecks away at you too. Just last Sunday I dealt with 3 different pride issues at one time. Went to church, was upset at an opinionated friend, didn't want to stand next to someone who I've never liked, and had to watch my good friend travel off with a new friend--who seemingly has taken "my place."
Going home after moving away to college has been tough. When I return home, I see new people taking MY place in other people's lives. And it hurts. But then I got to thinking about a poem I wrote in 7th grade. Can't remember the exact words but it went something like this:
So many wonderful people have come into my life,
We have fun and laugh together...
but whenever someone amazing enters my life
It seems it is time for them to leave,
--A time for me to cry--
But through each pain there is always a hope
Because I know that after that person has left,
A new and remarkable person will fill that spot
--A time for me to smile--
If you've left my life
leaving me joy and happiness
Always know that you are unforgettable
--A time for me to remember--
I used to rejoice in the fact that new people would enter my life, after others had to change or move on. But now I see that I am not allowing myself to let others have new people...
Take for example a good friend of mine, whom we will call Bob. (Cuz I don't know any Bobs. Actually I do, and he doesn't like me, but that's besides the point.) Bob and I were really close friends. We still are, we love encouraging each other...but now I'm here in Wausau, he's there far away, and he's met 2 or 3 new friends that consume his time now. When I speak with him, I feel as if he no longer wants to talk to me. One of his new friends in particular, I am quite jealous with...and my pride has gotten the best of me! But today I realized--I'm gone now. God has sent a new and wonderful friend into his life so that someone new will be there to encourage him! God has blessed me in the past with these friends, and now I need to allow Him to bless Bob. I need to remove my pride, and give Bob time to spend with this new friend, even if my feelings are hurt through it. He will always be my friend, I can guarantee that.
Another example is a ministry placement I had back home. Now that I am gone, a new girl has replaced my spot. Going home was difficult for me, because my pride did not want her to join me in this ministry. I felt like there was "not enough room for the 2 of us". And of course, I have seniority, so she should be bumped out. But God placed her in that ministry with a PURPOSE! I'm gone now, it's her turn now to glorify Him! I need to be praising God that someone has fulfilled that position, instead of pouting that I'm not that one doing it.
Here's the funny part about it all. God thinks he is very humorous...
So while I'm struggling with pride and hatred, God decides to be funny:
The "good friend" in the first situation ended up approaching me and talking to me for 15 minutes (something that REALLY made me upset....I didn't want to talk with her!!!
THEN-- God decided that I would have to stand within 2 feet of the latter person for a good hour. And I had to give her a hug due to a prior commitment. I felt like staring at God, rolling my eyes, and saying, "What are you doing?!?!?!?!"
Guess what?
He's teaching me.
I still have a lot to learn. I have learned that most of my problems in life stem from my pride. I have learned that I need to be willing to ask for help (even if I think I'm intelligent in Math...) And I've learned that I don't know it all. :) As simple as that sounds...
Prov 13:10 Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.
Prov 11:2 When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.
I guess that's it...Sorry this wasn't as directive or informative...I think I just needed time to journal. And I've been slacking on blogs lately. :)
