Like Being In Love...for the First Time

"I have this passion and desire to learn and know him! Looking for him after class, watching him out the window, seeing how he worked with other people, smiling with every laugh.
And all that time....falling more and more in love with him."

All of us remember those first days of "love"--when you see a person you're interested in, and you begin to learn them inside out. There is so much passion to truly know that person. I remember cherishing every moment of those days-- using all my heart to please the one I love.

Now, you know that I am indeed going to use this quote and tie it to God, so here it goes!

I've been going through the book of Deuteronomy (which indeed is an EXCELLENT book of the Bible). Moses is continually reminding the people not to forget what God has done in the past...that first Love. Check this passage out:

Deut 11:1-7
1 Love the LORD your God and keep his requirements, his decrees, his laws and his commands always.
2 Remember today that your children were not the ones who saw and experienced the discipline of the LORD your God: his majesty, his mighty hand, his outstretched arm;
3 the signs he performed and the things he did in the heart of Egypt, both to Pharaoh king of Egypt and to his whole country;
4 what he did to the Egyptian army, to its horses and chariots, how he overwhelmed them with the waters of the Red Sea as they were pursuing you, and how the LORD brought lasting ruin on them.
5 It was not your children who saw what he did for you in the desert until you arrived at this place,
6 and what he did to Dathan and Abiram, sons of Eliab the Reubenite, when the earth opened its mouth right in the middle of all Israel and swallowed them up with their households, their tents and every living thing that belonged to them.
7 But it was your own eyes that saw all these great things the LORD has done.
(NIV)

God brought them through SO much! And yet they were so quick to forget His love. (Later on Moses says they need to teach their children too. I love that passage.)

Take a moment to reflect on what God has done in your life. Have we forgotten His love? His faithfulness? His mighty hand?

The book of Deuteronomy is always showing me how important it is to follow His commands and remembering His love for us. I know that often I enjoy in the great pleasures of life...but slowly fade away from His love.

Remember loving for the first time? There is Love that I need to still be pursuing DAILY. As if I was in love again for the first time...

Investment of Time

"It's like a relationship. If you don't put the time into it, then you seem to lose interest in it."

How true is that?

It's been a good...eh...I'd say 5 weeks since the whole deal wondering when my best friend would "talk" to me. And that was something I really had to trust God with. But finally, this weekend--we talked for the first time. It was beautiful. To actually be friends. To actually talk like friends. I've been waiting a LONG time! It seems like the last 5 weeks, I don't even know who he is anymore because we haven't talked!

I wonder if God sees me like that some days. I'll bet He's WAITING and waiting and WAITING for weeks thinking to himself Hmm...when is Kristine going to talk to me? The choice is mine. He's already extended the invitation.

The choice is yours. If you don't put time into a relationship, then you are going to lose interest in it.

My relationship with God is WAY too important for me to back down on this. I don't ever want to lose interest in something as amazing as this.

So think of that next time it seems you haven't "talked" to someone in a while. If you're not careful, that relationship might fade away...

God's Control

"If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was and always will be yours. If it never returns, it never was yours."

Maybe this is more of a secular statement, but I find it applying to so much in my life. There is always something we are holding onto. (Whether we admit it or not is a different story...) but there is always a time when we need to just let it go, and allow ourselves to be free of it. Maybe you have heard the verse in Matthew 11 which states

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

But you know, maybe this quote isn't just about the troubles in our lives. It's about the things we love. Sometimes it's easy to say to God, Hey! I give it up, I don't want this anymore. The hard part comes when it's something we LOVE that we don't want to give up.

I have experienced this so many times. There is a lot in my life that I want to hold onto...that I don't want to give up. But I find that when I offer my entire life to God, he blesses it. He chooses what to give, and He chooses what to take away. I need to set it free. He needs to control it. And if what I love comes back to me, it is mine. If it never does...well, I guess it's all in God's hands.

Letting Go

“It’s hard to wait around for something you know might never happen, but it’s even harder to give up when you know it’s everything you want.”

This is my most recent "quote on FB finding". :) A good friend of mine posted that as her status. Now, I don't know what she is going through, but I found that this one specifically has been applied to my life the last week or two.

So much has changed since my last blog. I have seen God's sovereignty place me back at Highland church with MANY new friends that go with me...Faith, Josh, Lacey, Kourtney, Tim, and sometimes Adam-Bob. I have never had so many Christian friends here at the dorms. His simple quiet "Trust me" is beginning to feel more secure in my life.

But, the last month or two has still been tough. It hasn't been since the last 2 or 3 days that I've taken the time to just chill and reflect on His mighty power. Lately I've been too caught up in school, interpreting, and issues. This morning though, as I sit here in bed avoiding a shower, I am beginning to see how far I still am from understanding His beautiful grace. I love that our God is still One in which we need to learn more about everyday.

Anywhos, back to my original quote. It’s hard to wait around for something you know might never happen, but it’s even harder to give up when you know it’s everything you want.

The last week or two has been such a mess. I have succumbed to different temptations, and some mornings I wake up wondering if my best friend will talk to me today. I'll admit, I've been "waiting around" for a lot of things to happen, and I abhor "giving up". But sometimes it's something we MUST do. We must give up some things, especially when it's everything we want. On Friday I took some time to just cry in my bed praying to God and talking with Him. I have been holding on to a lot of different issues, and telling God - I don't want to give it up. It hurts. I know I MUST give it up, but Lord, I want it. Finally I handed it over and said, You know what God? You ARE sovereign. You do know what is going on. I WILL give this into your hands.

Because often I have found that when I "give something up to God", He blesses me with something so much greater. Once again, it's just those soft small whispers that He sends my way:

Trust me. Trust me.
When I act, who can reverse it?

I've been waiting around for a lot of things to happen. But that's what is so beautiful about our God. He knows what's next, we don't. It sucks some days. I have no clue what I'm going to do next with my future. But, I do know one thing. He is in control. And I will wait. Even if it means giving up something that is everything I want...

Gentle Whispers

One of my favorite "quotes" on Facebook right now is actually one of my own. My little white box on the side says- "God quietly whispers to my heart with a smirk on his face-- "When I act, who can reverse it?" -Isaiah 43:13"
How AWESOME is that?

"When I act, who can reverse it?"

Our God is a great, big God. I've been hearing that all summer! And here I am, back at the dorms--blogging in my free time (like I used to!) And I sit alone, without a supper, without a family, without a significant other, without camp, without whatever it is I'm looking for. But one true thing remains -- God is THERE. I believe the Hebrew name for God in this instance is Eternal Jehovah Shammah--The LORD is there. No matter what.

But that's not the point of this blog. The point is, God has an ultimate plan for everything in our lives. Not just some of it. ALL.
Moving back to the Dorms was a HUGE step for me. A lot has happened in the last 8 months of my life, leading me to realize that I am not in control--and giving up this control to a sovereign God is not as easy as it sounds. When apartment plans fell through, I knew it had to be a God-thing. My good friend kept asking, "Did you pray about it?" No.
He was always right. I NEEDED to pray about it.

As time passed, I realized that living in the Dorms would more than likely be best for me. I'm still working on my leadership and social skills, and the Dorm would be a great place to work on that. (In fact, I am now an Unofficial CC...feels GREAT!) :)
Even the whole thing with being single. I'll admit, it was not exactly what I wanted, but something I knew God wanted for my life for now. I needed to be single, set my focus on Him alone, and allow God to weave His perfect plan. Still hard to fathom why, but I am realizing each day that there was a purpose to that. People leave our lives for a reason, and new people enter in with a renewed purpose.
Going to camp this summer was not a part of my plans either. I was advised by my family not to go to camp, but then was granted permission to apply at last notice. It was such a joy! I lived every minute to the fullest--never knowing if this would be the last time I work at camp. I feel like I have truly grown these last 3 months. Coming into this school year, I feel more prepared, and not afraid to move forward. I have a sense that I can be somewhat of a leader this Dorm-year, rather than just an introverted "follower". I can't wait.

Early this morning I was crying, because I don't know if I will be returning to be with the church I love. The Church--the people. They are such a great fellowshiping group, but I know deep in my heart that I probably should not return. The last 2 times I have gone have been offending sermons. I looked up at God, wondering why I would have to leave. It is so hard to find a church. I love Highland because of the preaching and music. I love Christ Community because of the fellowship and people. What do I choose? What do I do? It will be so lonely at Highland, but the preaching will be solid. I gazed my eyes toward heaven and whispered quietly-- "Why? What now?"

And God sent a soft whisper in return--

"Trust Me. Trust Me.
When I act, who can reverse it?"

His perfect plan. He knows what's next. When He acts, NO ONE can reverse it!

Just a Quick Note

God is great. I just wanted to throw that out there.

I also wanted to say that I am in the process of writing two more "devotionals" to put on this blog, but I am really limited on time. So just keep looking. ;)

The first is called "Love at First Sight" and I hope to have it up within the next week....

Later.

A Matter of the Heart

Pride.

Gosh how I have struggled with this.

My pride gets the best of me a lot of times, and I'm gonna take a wild guess that it probably pecks away at you too. Just last Sunday I dealt with 3 different pride issues at one time. Went to church, was upset at an opinionated friend, didn't want to stand next to someone who I've never liked, and had to watch my good friend travel off with a new friend--who seemingly has taken "my place."

Going home after moving away to college has been tough. When I return home, I see new people taking MY place in other people's lives. And it hurts. But then I got to thinking about a poem I wrote in 7th grade. Can't remember the exact words but it went something like this:

So many wonderful people have come into my life,
We have fun and laugh together...
but whenever someone amazing enters my life
It seems it is time for them to leave,
--A time for me to cry--

But through each pain there is always a hope
Because I know that after that person has left,
A new and remarkable person will fill that spot
--A time for me to smile--

If you've left my life
leaving me joy and happiness
Always know that you are unforgettable
--A time for me to remember--

I used to rejoice in the fact that new people would enter my life, after others had to change or move on. But now I see that I am not allowing myself to let others have new people...

Take for example a good friend of mine, whom we will call Bob. (Cuz I don't know any Bobs. Actually I do, and he doesn't like me, but that's besides the point.) Bob and I were really close friends. We still are, we love encouraging each other...but now I'm here in Wausau, he's there far away, and he's met 2 or 3 new friends that consume his time now. When I speak with him, I feel as if he no longer wants to talk to me. One of his new friends in particular, I am quite jealous with...and my pride has gotten the best of me! But today I realized--I'm gone now. God has sent a new and wonderful friend into his life so that someone new will be there to encourage him! God has blessed me in the past with these friends, and now I need to allow Him to bless Bob. I need to remove my pride, and give Bob time to spend with this new friend, even if my feelings are hurt through it. He will always be my friend, I can guarantee that.

Another example is a ministry placement I had back home. Now that I am gone, a new girl has replaced my spot. Going home was difficult for me, because my pride did not want her to join me in this ministry. I felt like there was "not enough room for the 2 of us". And of course, I have seniority, so she should be bumped out. But God placed her in that ministry with a PURPOSE! I'm gone now, it's her turn now to glorify Him! I need to be praising God that someone has fulfilled that position, instead of pouting that I'm not that one doing it.

Here's the funny part about it all. God thinks he is very humorous...
So while I'm struggling with pride and hatred, God decides to be funny:
The "good friend" in the first situation ended up approaching me and talking to me for 15 minutes (something that REALLY made me upset....I didn't want to talk with her!!!
THEN-- God decided that I would have to stand within 2 feet of the latter person for a good hour. And I had to give her a hug due to a prior commitment. I felt like staring at God, rolling my eyes, and saying, "What are you doing?!?!?!?!"

Guess what?
He's teaching me.

I still have a lot to learn. I have learned that most of my problems in life stem from my pride. I have learned that I need to be willing to ask for help (even if I think I'm intelligent in Math...) And I've learned that I don't know it all. :) As simple as that sounds...

Prov 13:10 Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.

Prov 11:2 When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.

I guess that's it...Sorry this wasn't as directive or informative...I think I just needed time to journal. And I've been slacking on blogs lately. :)